No, I didn’t abandon my blog, I’ve been on vacation!
We spent ten days in North Carolina visiting Derek’s family.
It was cold but as beautiful as ever and it even snowed a little.
Traveling with a baby for the first time was definitely an experience though.
Vacations take on a whole new meaning with a Declan along for the ride.
I would say “a baby” but my son doesn’t seem to fall into the category of a baby so he gets his own.
Surprisingly the flights weren’t bad.
I planned for him to be a monster and had earplugs with chocolate on hand for surrounding passengers but they ended up not needing them.
The two hour drive from Charlotte to Etowah, North Carolina however, was a different story.
Declan just hates the car seat with a fiery passion of a thousand suns.
I had to put my head near his and sing to him while rubbing his scalp for him to calm down even a little bit.
The trip itself was good overall.
His smile is infectious and people stop to chat him up anywhere we go.
And ten days at my in-laws gave Declan plenty of time to bond with his nanny and grampy.
But with new surroundings and spending a lot of time with everyone came a new, stronger sense of clinginess.
And naturally, he clung to me.
I love my son with every fiber of my being.
But not being able to get up and grab a water without him screaming began to take its toll on me.
Because he was so overstimulated he would also nurse all night long leaving me sleepless almost every night.
At one point I asked my mother and father in law to watch Declan while Derek and I went to the store.
The minute we got into the car Derek said,
“Go ahead and cry baby. Let it out. I know that’s why you wanted to go.”
I broke down.
Through my tears I confessed:
“I’ve been turning the fan on when I pee just so I can drown out the crying and breathe for one minute. How sad is that?!”
I felt so drained, so defeated in that moment and I wondered how I was going to make it through the rest of our trip.
Fortunately I have Derek.
He massaged my head, told me I’m a good mama, and then proceeded to make me laugh the way only he can.
And just like that I had strength again.
I think sometimes the best thing you can do for a parent is let them know that they’re doing a good job.
Because in the sea of salty crocodile tears, fighting to change dirty diapers, and banshee screams your confidence as a parent can easily get lost.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to read other blogs and see other babies so calm, so “normal.”
I have to remind myself that there is no such thing and that we truly are lucky that Declan is the way he is, even though it might not always feel that way.
Having a hyperactive infant is so challenging but it is also so rewarding.
He has such a strong personality that is so uniquely him and it is incredible to watch the way he processes and responds to everything.
But on the days where it’s rough I try to remember that this is temporary and that one day we will look back and laugh about these times.

And because I’m so excited that I was able to catch it on video, here is Declan giggling to lighten this blog post up 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good week!