Friendships,Relationships

To All of The Non-Mom Friends Who Still Show Up

To all of the non-mom friends who still show up. This one is for you.

I decided to have children years before my closest friends.

I didn’t run the idea by them or discuss how it may change our dynamic as friends— I just did it.

I don’t think we think about things like that, you know? And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a drastic, one-sided change.

It’s not like we ordered a friends dinner for them before they showed up or picked the movie without asking or wore the same dress as them to a party because we forgot to coordinate appropriately.

The choice we made on their behalf was much bigger. We virtually gave them an ultimatum:

Get used to a completely new version of our friendship, or move on.

And again, it wasn’t intentional. It just is what it is.

But to all of my non-mom friends who still show up, I just want to say thank you. 

Thank you for never assuming I hate you because I didn’t text you back for the bazillionth time (because I accidentally texted you back in my mind instead of in real life….again).

Thank you for trading in long drives to the beach and happy hours, for lunch dates where you spend approximately 30-45 minutes trying to have a conversation with me without full eye contact— I know I’m cleaning mac and cheese off of the floor, begging my toddler to sit down over and over again, and trying to shovel food in my mouth before the kids decide they are ready to tantrum their way out of there— but I promise I’m listening to every single word you say.

Thank you for sitting in my car with my kids so that I can run into the bank to deposit that money I’ve had sitting in my wallet for weeks because the damn ATM won’t accept the bills.

Thank you for waiting in my living for over an hour while I put the kids to bed, even though you know we will only get about an hour to catch up before I need to go to bed myself— since 5:00 am wake up calls are a regular occurrence in my house.

Thank you for loving my kids. For hugging them and reading to them and playing with them. For treating them like members of your own family and acting genuinely excited to see them every single time.

Thank you for reminding me of who I am outside of my children. For always asking me how my passions and dreams are going, and for helping me stay up to date with things other than the latest Disney Channel original series.

Thank you for showing up. Time and time again.

Even when you witness my child shit all over the high chair and my hands in a restaurant. (Seriously, I can’t believe you still go out to eat with me after that. You’re the best.)

Even when it takes me three days to respond to you. Even when I have to cancel for the umpteenth time because the kids got sick, or hit their heads, or have a doctors appointment that I totally blanked on.

You keep calling. Keep texting. Keep checking in on me and reminding me that even though I made this choice for our friendship without asking, you still love me.

Thank you. 


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23 Comments

  • Reply
    Alina | besosalina.com
    February 28, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    I’m the only one out of my closest friend that just had a baby and this resonates with me so much. Thank you!!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:31 pm

      Alina, I feel ya! That’s a hard phase to be in. I’m so glad you connected with this and I hope you’re able to give yourself lots of grace during this time and know that your friends will understand that you can’t offer them 100% right now

  • Reply
    Allison
    February 28, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    I love this one, my non-mom friends have been great too. I know it’s not easy/fun for them all the time but it’s so appreciated.

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:31 pm

      Allison, yes! Definitely not always the easiest or best for them (sometimes my friends literally just run errands with me the entire time we “hang out”) but so appreciative!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    February 28, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    Yes! I feel this way about my non-mom friends, too. We didn’t realize how much becoming parents would change our friendships and are so grateful to the friends we have!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      I hear ya, Sarah. It’s definitely a new dynamic but I think that makes our non-mom friends even that much more amazing for not letting that shake them

  • Reply
    Ayana
    March 1, 2017 at 1:40 am

    Most of my non mom friends are out of state but I am still thankful that they still talk to me! You are lucky to have such great friends!!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      Ayana, that’s the exact boat I was in once I had kids. My only mom friends lived 2,000 + miles away. Thank God for Skype!

  • Reply
    Lisa Grooms
    March 1, 2017 at 3:19 am

    OMG I love this! Definitely going to share with some of my non-mom friends!!!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      Lisa, thank you so much for sharing! I’m so glad it resonates with you

  • Reply
    Amanda
    March 1, 2017 at 3:36 am

    I love this so much. Friends that stick around after the chaos that is motherhood are so special. Thank you for putting what all us mothers feel into words.

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      Totally agree. It’s such a special thing!

  • Reply
    Christina K. Rambo
    March 1, 2017 at 3:51 am

    I was one of these friends. I since have had kids, but much later than my closest friends. I LOVED showing up. I considered it an honor, and I learned SO much about parenting. I am sure your friends think the same : ) Great post!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      Christina, it’s so wonderful to hear the other end of it from you! That’s such an encouragement knowing that you felt like there was real value in that phase of your friendship. Thank you for sharing this with me!

  • Reply
    Angela Kim
    March 1, 2017 at 3:59 am

    This is such a heartfelt article about unconditional friendships. Authentic friendship is beautiful. Loved it.

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      Thank you, Angela! Unconditional friendships are definitely so special

  • Reply
    Danielle
    March 1, 2017 at 11:15 am

    Yep. This. Totally this. I wrote something similar about how much motherhood has changed the way I friend. That’s what great about genuine friends. They will be there through it all.

  • Reply
    Patricia
    March 1, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    Oh this is such a great post! I have something similar on my heart because these kind of friendships are truly a blessing! Love this. Thanks for sharing!!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:50 pm

      They really are, Patricia!

  • Reply
    Kate A
    March 1, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    This is all so true. I had my first child several years before most of my friends, and although some friendships drifted off after his arrival, the friends who made the effort were SO appreciated and important to me!

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      Kate, I hear ya! That kind of change in the friend dynamic can definitely be challenging for everyone, but the friends who stay are so special

  • Reply
    Rochelle Valle
    March 1, 2017 at 7:39 pm

    Its amazing when you still have friends that show when they dont have kids.we all deserve those friends to stick around.

    • Reply
      Andi
      March 7, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Totally agree, Rochelle. They are so special!

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