I Interviewed My Husband About Sex

I Interviewed My Husband About Sex

Sex has seasons, just like everything else in our lives. That’s why it is so important to keep the communication alive in your marriage and to talk about that three-letter-word—even if it makes you suuuper uncomfortable.

Here’s an analogy to bring it home:

You can’t expect a phone that hasn’t been updated in ages to function fully. Sure, it still works, but it isn’t living up to what it was designed for because there is no communication between the phone and the new software. Eventually, apps won’t look up to date and may not even run properly, you’ll start to see an alien error code for emojis, and you’ll most likely begin to experience a slower device—almost as if the phone itself is protesting you, the user, until you give it the update it so desperately needs.

The same thing happens in our sex lives when we never give them the chance for an update. 

As our lives and experiences evolve, so do our arousal triggers, interests, and sex drives.

For example, my idea of great sex has changed dramatically since having children. Pre-kids, quickies were just whatever—but I cherish a quick moment of intimacy much more now that I see how much more difficult it is to find those pockets of time alone.

Yours will vary based on your own life experiences and preferences, but the point is that if your desires have changed and you’re not talking about it, you’re missing out on the intimacy and merely going through the motions.

If you’re wondering how on earth to start a conversation with your love about sex, I’ve got you covered! My husband was gracious enough to allow me to do an interview with him and share it with you in hopes that it may encourage you to do your own interview with your spouse. Interviewing each other can be a really gentle and fun way to talk about intimacy, especially if it’s something you have a difficult time discussing in general.

A few quick things:

  • You can make this into a game where both of you ask the questions. That way your partner doesn’t feel isolated and vulnerable in their responses because they know you’ll be answering too.
  • Make sure you are both in a good mood.
  • Make it fun! Remember, you are not Barbara Walters and this is not a hard-hitting interview. There are no wrong answers and you should be able to laugh and enjoy this together as you learn more about what works for your partner.


Now that you’ve got the guidelines to have your very own interview, here’s mine with my husband, Derek.

Andi: What do you enjoy the most about sex?

Derek: What do I enjoy the most about sex? (Insert maniacal laugh here) There’s so much! I guess the closeness and the excitement that comes with it. 

Andi: What do you mean by that?

Derek: Like I’m excited to have that time specifically with you and only you. It’s something I cherish between us. It’s what makes us unique. 

Andi: How much sex do you prefer to have every week?

Derek: Every day. At least every day. (And then I laughed because I knew that’s what he was going to say)

Andi: What is your favorite position? (Yes, friends, I went there).

Derek: Is this going in your thing? (by “thing” he means my blog. Lol. You know, this thing) Oh man; we have so many. I don’t want my family reading about me having you reverse cowgirl.

(He didn’t actually say “having”. The real word is everyone’s least favorite autocorrect LOL)

Andi: So reverse cowgirl then? 

Derek: *Blushing* Yes 

Andi: Do you like foreplay? Why? I already know the answer to this but…

Derek: Duhhh. Because I enjoy build up. I enjoy the increase, the excitement, I enjoy pleasing you. 

Andi: What is your favorite thing I do? What’s the biggest turn on for you?

Derek: When you take control or tell me what you want. When you initiate.

Andi: What do you wish I did more of?

Derek: I wish you were more forward

Andi: Like “yo, gimme dat!”?

Derek: Yep! Or tell me what you want. What position you want. Etc

Andi: What is your favorite thing about our sex life?

Derek: That it always feels exciting and meaningful.

Andi: Can you go into more depth? 

Derek: It’s something I look forward to every day. It’s just between us. It’s our time together. It’s the closest I can get to you, even more so now that we have kids. Because so many of our moments are shared. Even our sex is shared sometimes. Sometimes they walk in. 

Andi: Any other thoughts you would like people to know? 

Derek: *Insert inappropriate comment here*

Here’s my takeaway from interviewing Derek:

  • The emotional connection is just as important as the physical connection for him
  • He treasures that time we have together
  • And he would enjoy it if I spent a little more time vocalizing/initiating what I want


This information is invaluable when it comes to maintaining and expanding intimacy in my marriage because it shows me what areas mean the most to my husband and how I can better serve our marriage in the bedroom.

I hope you feel encouraged by this and that you try it out in your own marriage. And if you do, let me know how it goes! Details are optional 😉

Talk soon!

I Wrote 30 Letters For My 30th Birthday: Here’s Why

I Wrote 30 Letters For My 30th Birthday: Here’s Why

I wrote and sent out 30 letters for my 30th birthday: Here’s why. 

Two and a half years ago my family suffered a massive loss with the sudden death of my husband’s closest friend. He was like a brother to Derek since they were in diapers, the godfather to our unborn son, and my dear friend. But I never got a chance to tell him how much his presence truly impacted my life, because he died before the thought ever crossed my mind to do so.

He knew he was loved, that he was family—we were never in short supply of “you’re the shit and I love you” moments. But he would never know on this earth that he was the reason I started looking at the world differently. That the way he lived inspired me to grab life by the reigns and embrace it.

Today is my golden birthday. It’s also my 30th. I am 30 on the 30th and I had a tug at my heart months ago that I needed to do something special this year—something different.

I talked to my husband about this burning inside of me for weeks but I just couldn’t come up with anything. Then one night as I lie awake in bed, I began to think about Brian. “Good Old Days” by Macklemore and Kesha played the soundtrack of my visions as I pictured one more night of beer pong with my friend I’d never see again.

I imagined sitting there in between throws, telling him, finally, how crucial his existence was to me becoming who I am now. How he touched so many lives in his short time on this earth. I saw a funeral where the person everyone was telling stories about was still alive. I saw a massive group of people placing words of love on this man before his body left this earth.

It was then that I had an epiphany. How many more people must die first in order for me to share with them the impact they have made on me? Would I make them all wait until the grave?

My answer was clear.

I woke up that next morning, October 5th around 5:30 am, grabbed a pen and some college ruled paper, and got to work.

I made a list of each stage of my life:

  • Childhood
  • Elementary school
  • Middle school
  • High school
  • College
  • Adult life

Then I attached names to each stage. Names that meant something to me. These were the people who shaped who I am in some way, whether big or small. Some were people I had just lost touch with along the way. Others were friends that I had hurt that were never given the apology they deserved. I included teachers, relatives, and even a few people I’ve never actually met in person, like bloggers who’s messages have impacted me.

The list reached far over 30, so I narrowed it down to people I knew I had never actually said these things to before. My mom, for example, knows that she plays a massive role in who I am because we talk about it all the time.

I thought of it like this: If everyone on this list died, who among them would have left this earth without ever knowing the influence they had on me?

Each letter was written by hand because I wanted it to be as personal as possible. Every morning for 22 days I woke up and wrote a letter or two. I sat in meditation before each one so that I could really think about that person and what I wanted to say to them, and then I wrote.

By the 27th, I was ready to send them all out and by today, everyone (or almost everyone) should be receiving theirs in the mail.

My hope is that today, on my 30th Birthday, 30 other people out there are feeling special and loved. That 30 people now know how important they have been to me in this lifetime.

This project lit a fire in me. I feel like I have so many more letters to write, more people to thank. I don’t think I’ll stop until I’m done.

So here’s to the big 3-0.

I plan to use my thirties to love on people as much as I can. I want to wrap others up in blankets of encouragement and I never want to see a day again where someone leaves this earth before I’ve had the chance to tell them how special they are.

I keep thinking that if we learned to love people like they’re gone, before they’re buried in the ground, we could change this world.

So if you’re reading this, you’ve been a part of my life, and you didn’t receive a letter from me yet—I’m coming for you. 😉

*Images were taken by Brenda Munoz Photography

13 Myths Uncovered About Marriages

13 Myths Uncovered About Marriages

Marriage has quite the reputation around it, don’t you think? Some see it as a drag, while others spend their entire lives with a cutout photo of their head glued to a wedding dress clip out on the very top of their dream boards.

But what happens when the wedding bells have chimed and the Pinterest worthy “I Do’s” have passed? We are told so many great things about what marriage is and what it means, but with that, comes a lot of terrible advice and straight up myths that leave many couples in a position of stress and distress in their nuptials.

My hope is that by tackling some of these myths, we can all move towards fuller, healthier marriages.

So here is my list of thirteen myths about marriage:


This one, I swear. Sometimes I want to write very strongly worded letters to the people who think it’s hilarious to write this myth into movies, television shows, talk-show-host-jokes, etc.

There is no written rule, clause, or even guideline that states marriage is some sex-sucking vortex that will undoubtedly deny you of physical pleasure. Unfortunately, so many people subconsciously believe this, so the minute there is a hiccup in their sex life they assume their marriage is just naturally progressing to a state of no sex (as expected) and don’t bother to challenge that.



Grab your torch and pitchforks, because I’m about to bust this one wide open and I know there are plenty of people who won’t like it. A few years ago I wrote about how I believe your spouse should come first and I stand by it.

Your marriage is a foundation for your children. It will teach them about romantic love and guide them to their own spouse one day. And at the end of the day, it’s going to be you and your main squeeze living out your days together while your children are grown living their own dreams. So it is absolutely vital that you continue to nurture that relationship and make it a priority in your life.



Look, marriage isn’t always easy, but it is also not hard work. This is a dangerous phrase because it implies that your relationship is a job, rather than a connection with another human being. You don’t punch in and out of your marriage, get holidays off, or have reports due by Monday—why then, do so many people refer to it in terms of an occupation?

Our language matters, so pay attention to the way you speak about your marriage as well as the other relationships in your life (parenting, for example). Just like with all connections we share with other people—be it our parents, our friends, our spouse, etc.—you are bound to run into roadblocks. Nobody’s personality meshes with anothers 100% of the time. You can work hard at communicating and overcoming obstacles in your marriage, but that doesn’t make the marriage itself, hard work.



Expecting your spouse to be able to read your mind is like going to a foreign country and expecting them to be fluent in your language.

We, women, like to believe that we are all straight up psychic when it comes to our relationships with others. And honestly, there is some merit to that. Women, in general, tend to be more in tune with other people’s emotions and mannerisms, as well as more empathetic. But to expect your spouse, or anyone for that matter, to be able to decipher what your shoulder shrug means is not only unrealistic but also super unhealthy for your relationship.



While it is true that there should be a healthy balance in your relationship, this does not mean that every task should be distributed evenly. You need to be willing to play off of one another’s skills and availability in order to find a groove that works right for you, rather than keeping mental tabs of who takes out the trash the most or does the dishes every night. If your spouse leaves at 5 am every morning and you don’t get up until 8 am, it makes sense for them to be the one to take out the trash bins every week. Likewise, if you stay at home and your partner works, it makes sense for you to contribute more to household chores than they do.

Highlight each other’s strengths and respect one another’s time rather than focusing on the areas your partner lacks in. My husband hates doing the dishes and I hate sweeping, so he rarely touches a dish and I rarely touch a broom. Things are not always going to come out 50/50, but you shouldn’t be keeping score anyway.



It’s a sweet picture: You and your spouse become parents to a perfect little angel baby and you spend your evenings giving that little ball of squish calming lavender baths. Then the three of you cuddle up in bed and read bedtime stories until sweet squishy gently melts away to dreamland. Then you look into your partner’s eyes and think, “how perfect our life is!”

Don’t get me wrong, moments like these do happen, but they are mixed in with a mess of other moments that are guaranteed to rock your foundation if it isn’t solid. Exhaustion, late night feedings, excessive tears, limited mobility, diaper changes, I-don’t-know-what-the-heck-I’m-doing-moments, and everything in between often make for two adults who barely spend any one-on-one time together anymore.

Children will challenge you in incredible ways, but they will also challenge your marriage as you learn to navigate life as a wife and a mother.




 “You make me feel like I’m talking to myself!

“You made me really upset when you said that.”

“I’d be happier if you would just…”

Too often we believe that our happiness is deeply rooted in other people’s words and actions. But in truth, you and only you are responsible for your happiness. Expecting your spouse to control your emotional wellbeing would be like asking them to swallow and digest your food for you.

If you place your happiness in someone else’s hands, you will be disappointed every single time. Not because they don’t love and care about you, but because they are a separate human being from you and they already have a full-time job being in charge of someone else’s happiness—their own.



People do change. I myself have completely transformed from the timid woman I once was. But here is the kicker, and it’s a big one: People do not change unless they want to. At least not long term.

It’s easy to convince someone for a week or two to improve their habits to meet your needs. And because they love you, often times they will make the attempt. But at the end of the day, unless they see it as a problem themselves, nothing will change and you will both end up in a vicious cycle where both parties feel like they aren’t worthy. You feel like your spouse should love you enough to change, and your spouse feels like you should love them enough to accept them the way they are.



If I had a dollar for every relationship that was ruined by the expectation that romance should come naturally, I would be one rich bitch. I get it, I do. John Cusack’s boombox serenade makes romance seem effortless. But if you’ve ever carried a boombox, you know that those things are not light, effortless, or easily portable. Homeboy put some serious thought and planning into that ish and that’s because romance isn’t always as simple as pressing an on/off switch.

We all speak different love languages, which means that what might be romantic to you, may not be at all to your spouse. So make sure you get clear on what romance is first, and then remember to have grace for your partner (and for yourself), because life isn’t a movie and romance isn’t natural for everyone, all of the time.



This is sort of a hidden belief that nobody really talks about, but it’s a huge one that causes so many underlying issues in relationships. Why are we so afraid to talk about sex with our spouses?

America still treats sex like a taboo (despite it being one of the most natural parts of our existence) and because of this, so many couples feel embarrassed or ashamed talking to their partner about their needs and desires in the bedroom. But when you don’t communicate about sex, how is your partner supposed to know how to please you? The answer is simple: They can’t.

Our bodies are all unique, which means there isn’t a “one size fits all” for sexual pleasure. That is why it is vital to get a conversation going with your spouse about what works and what doesn’t in order to experience the level of closeness and connection that your marriage was designed for.



The Beatles paint a pretty picture of love being all that we need, but unfortunately, they’re wrong. While many of the things we need all route back to love, love itself is not the only basis for a solid marriage. Many people stay in damaging relationships because they believe that love is more important than mutual respect, communication, and desire. Obviously, love is a crucial piece to the puzzle, but it is not the only piece. The trick with love is that it is often left up to interpretation.

If you grow up in a home where your example of love is your father yelling at your mother, apologizing, and kissing her on the head, you will likely grow to see love as a tempered and apologetic. If you grow up with a single parent, love may look like devoting yourself to providing for your family. If your parents are super mushy, love will look like a sappy chick flick to you.

Because we all view love differently based on our environments, love cannot be the final say in a relationship’s well being. Because love by itself, while powerful, is not perceived the same universally. Love must be coupled with things like mutual respect and communication in order to work through those barriers and find a common ground of what love means as a couple, rather than two individuals from different love backgrounds.



Don’t freak out! I’m not here to tell you that you’re headed for divorce if you fight. We absolutely, 100% all have fights. Hell, we fight with everyone in our lives at some point, so why would our spouses be any different? However, consistent fighting is not normal or healthy. Does that mean you’re headed to Judge Judy to fight over who gets custody of the giant flat screen in the living room? Not quite.

Occasional fighting is not a cause for concern because, hi, we all get on each other’s nerves now and then. But if you find yourself repeating the same fights over and over again, this is likely due to issues that have not been fully dealt with between the two of you, that need attention. Sometimes this can be resolved by having a heart to heart and laying everything out on the table with some constructive, open communication. And if that doesn’t work and you find yourself in the cycle again, don’t be afraid to seek outside help.

One of the best things a couple can do for their marriage is get counseling when there is an underlying issue that keeps seeping its way back in the form of anger and frustration. Talking with an unbiased third party is a strong, productive way to give your marriage the opportunity to thrive that it so deeply deserves.



I know I talked trash about love movies in this article, but there is some merit to their overall message. Happily ever after may not look like Cinderella suddenly being able to buy every pair of shoes in the kingdom because she’s #rich and in love with the wealthiest, dreamiest dude in the land—but it can look like a modern day fairytale where you spend the greater portion of your days feeling hashtag blessed and truly enjoying your marriage.

I’ve spent nearly a decade with my husband and I can honestly say that I still feel like I can’t get enough of him. We have been through absolute heartbreak together but I truly feel like the joy we have experienced outweighs the sorrow, tenfold.

Happily ever after does exist, you just have to believe that you are worthy of it. (Which, you totally are).

Does your love life need a recharge?

If you’re looking to totally transform your love life and find yourself in the process, this book is for you! Several women have already begun their adventures to a fuller marriage. I double dog dare ya to join us 😉

Ditching The Niche

Ditching The Niche

It’s a sloooow creep back up to the mic. My head more focused on each step than what is right in front of me.

Looking down as my toes lift and fall back onto the cool tiled floor.

Finally, I have arrived to the place my feet set out to take me a lifetime ago.

And so, I raise my chin from my neck and clear my throat.

*Tap* *Tap*

Is this thing on?

You may be wondering where I have been. Then again, maybe you haven’t at all. Blogs are a dime a dozen and there’s definitely no shortage of moms talking about mom stuff on the internet.

Still, this space has been my diary for over five years and suddenly I just abandoned it—or so it may seem.

Truth is, I have been spending a substantial amount of time deciding what I want my voice to sound like in the sea of internet sound.

Everybody tells you that you absolutely need a niche to be successful.

Narrow in on your niche!

Focus on your niche!

Don’t post outside of your niche!

These tips all come from incredibly successful bloggers, so there is obviously proof of the pudding. And yet, every time I would find myself trying to “grow my account” by narrowing in, I felt trapped.

One of the reasons I fell in love with writing as a kid was because there are no limits to it. Stories can take us into someone’s backyard for a DIY tutorial, on a grand road trip through all 50 states, to their traumatic hospital stay, and everything in between. We can create anything we can imagine in our minds through words—be it a unicorn that only eats rainbow bagels or a penguin who becomes the first animal Olympic gold medalist.

When I try and pretend to be only one piece of myself for the sake of a niche, I find myself unable to write here. And when I’m unable to write, my blog goes dark for almost three whole months.

So I have been working on fulfilling all parts of my soul—niche be damned.

For the last 10 weeks I have been diligently working on an ebook that I cannot wait to share with you guys, as well as revamping this site to reflect who I truly am, instead of who society wants me to be.

So here is a brief look at who I am, so that you have a better idea of what to expect out of this space from here on out.

15 Things That Matter To Me

  1. My husband
  2. My kids/the trials and triumphs that come with them
  3. Fitness
  4. Healthy eating
  5. Intimacy
  6. Writing
  7. My company, Mama Love Collective
  8. The gut-wrenching moments in life that define us
  9. Helping others
  10. Celebratory moments
  11. Creating printables
  12. Throwing parties
  13. Traveling
  14. The occasional DIY
  15. Attempting to make this world a better place

If these things appeal to you, then you’re in luck! Because that is precisely the direction this page is taking. Some of these things have long been discussed here and some have never been, so I’m looking forward to fusing everything together.

I hope you’ll continue to join me on this journey and I would LOVE to hear what you’re most excited about reading more of, so make sure to comment and let me know!

The Social Experiment Everyone Should Try

The Social Experiment Everyone Should Try

Last week I started a social experiment without even realizing it.

Let me back up a bit and explain.

After having a great conversation with a friend Friday morning, I found myself with this burning desire inside to spread some love.

I’m weird like that.

So I came up with the idea to offer it up freely on Facebook. This is what my post said, word for word:

“Comment on this post with your favorite emoji and I’ll tell you one way you have been an encouragement in my life. This isn’t one of those chain thingies, I just really want to love on you guys today— especially if you’re having one of those days, weeks, lives where you feel like nothing you do matters. I got you! ❤”

I had no idea what to expect. Part of me wondered if everyone would ignore it, though I hoped they wouldn’t.

Emojis started to slowly trickle in and I was excited to get the chance to love on a couple of people that day.

But then they kept coming. And coming. And next thing I knew, I had 39 people to respond to.

I had people from all walks of my life in there. Friends I see on a daily basis, friends I haven’t seen since high school, and friends I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting in person.

It took me all day to send a response to everyone. I made it a point to really think about it. I wanted to give true, genuine, individual responses to each person.

I didn’t get an ounce of work done that day. The laundry sat, the blog stayed untouched, and I didn’t ship a thing—but it was amazing. 

By the end of the evening, I was in such a state of euphoria over loving on others all day long, that I was literally giggling like a mad woman as I was telling my husband about the whole experience.

Some people went out of their way to respond to what I said. Some even loved on me back. The exchange of encouragement within this thread ended up being 135 comments of pure goodness.


And I realized that the world needs this. It needs more of this right here. People offering their love, but also—people willing to accept it.

When someone tries to help you to your car when you’ve got your hands full of groceries + kids, do you let them? Or do you gently say, “thanks, but I’ve got it!” and handle it yourself?

Let me tell you, I lean toward the latter. I pride myself on my ability to do things by myself, by not needed other people’s help. But when we never let others help us, we never let them serve us. I love serving people and I would feel uselesss if I couldn’t do it, so why don’t I let others serve me?

If someone I hadn’t spoken to in years had posted the exact same thing as me, I would have never commented on it. I would have wanted to maybe, but would have rationalized that they would think it was weird, that the post wasn’t meant for me, etc.

That is some serious backwards thinking. What I learned through this accidental social experiment, is that if you give people the chance to receive love, they’ll take it. And that you too, should do the same.

I also learned just how much I wanted to love on those people I hadn’t spoken to in years.

People die, and I’ve lost my fair share. One of the hardest things about death is that you always feel like you never got the chance to tell that person what they meant to you.

But what if we could do that now? Right now. Today.

What if we chose to tell those old friends and new friends and everyone in-between about the impact they have made in our lives. What if we left no story untold?

That’s how I want to live.

And if you’re looking for a full heart, no page unturned kind of life, give my experiment a try. You can copy and paste exactly what I said and watch how encouraged not only everyone who comments on it feels afterwards, but how encouraged you feel after a day of loving on everyone else.

To All of The Non-Mom Friends Who Still Show Up

To All of The Non-Mom Friends Who Still Show Up

To all of the non-mom friends who still show up. This one is for you.

I decided to have children years before my closest friends.

I didn’t run the idea by them or discuss how it may change our dynamic as friends— I just did it.

I don’t think we think about things like that, you know? And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a drastic, one-sided change.

It’s not like we ordered a friends dinner for them before they showed up or picked the movie without asking or wore the same dress as them to a party because we forgot to coordinate appropriately.

The choice we made on their behalf was much bigger. We virtually gave them an ultimatum:

Get used to a completely new version of our friendship, or move on.

And again, it wasn’t intentional. It just is what it is.

But to all of my non-mom friends who still show up, I just want to say thank you. 

Thank you for never assuming I hate you because I didn’t text you back for the bazillionth time (because I accidentally texted you back in my mind instead of in real life….again).

Thank you for trading in long drives to the beach and happy hours, for lunch dates where you spend approximately 30-45 minutes trying to have a conversation with me without full eye contact— I know I’m cleaning mac and cheese off of the floor, begging my toddler to sit down over and over again, and trying to shovel food in my mouth before the kids decide they are ready to tantrum their way out of there— but I promise I’m listening to every single word you say.

Thank you for sitting in my car with my kids so that I can run into the bank to deposit that money I’ve had sitting in my wallet for weeks because the damn ATM won’t accept the bills.

Thank you for waiting in my living for over an hour while I put the kids to bed, even though you know we will only get about an hour to catch up before I need to go to bed myself— since 5:00 am wake up calls are a regular occurrence in my house.

Thank you for loving my kids. For hugging them and reading to them and playing with them. For treating them like members of your own family and acting genuinely excited to see them every single time.

Thank you for reminding me of who I am outside of my children. For always asking me how my passions and dreams are going, and for helping me stay up to date with things other than the latest Disney Channel original series.

Thank you for showing up. Time and time again.

Even when you witness my child shit all over the high chair and my hands in a restaurant. (Seriously, I can’t believe you still go out to eat with me after that. You’re the best.)

Even when it takes me three days to respond to you. Even when I have to cancel for the umpteenth time because the kids got sick, or hit their heads, or have a doctors appointment that I totally blanked on.

You keep calling. Keep texting. Keep checking in on me and reminding me that even though I made this choice for our friendship without asking, you still love me.

Thank you.