13 Myths Uncovered About Marriages

13 Myths Uncovered About Marriages

Marriage has quite the reputation around it, don’t you think? Some see it as a drag, while others spend their entire lives with a cutout photo of their head glued to a wedding dress clip out on the very top of their dream boards.

But what happens when the wedding bells have chimed and the Pinterest worthy “I Do’s” have passed? We are told so many great things about what marriage is and what it means, but with that, comes a lot of terrible advice and straight up myths that leave many couples in a position of stress and distress in their nuptials.

My hope is that by tackling some of these myths, we can all move towards fuller, healthier marriages.

So here is my list of thirteen myths about marriage:

ONCE YOU’RE MARRIED, SEX GOES OUT THE WINDOW

This one, I swear. Sometimes I want to write very strongly worded letters to the people who think it’s hilarious to write this myth into movies, television shows, talk-show-host-jokes, etc.

There is no written rule, clause, or even guideline that states marriage is some sex-sucking vortex that will undoubtedly deny you of physical pleasure. Unfortunately, so many people subconsciously believe this, so the minute there is a hiccup in their sex life they assume their marriage is just naturally progressing to a state of no sex (as expected) and don’t bother to challenge that.

 

CHILDREN SHOULD COME BEFORE YOUR SPOUSE.

Grab your torch and pitchforks, because I’m about to bust this one wide open and I know there are plenty of people who won’t like it. A few years ago I wrote about how I believe your spouse should come first and I stand by it.

Your marriage is a foundation for your children. It will teach them about romantic love and guide them to their own spouse one day. And at the end of the day, it’s going to be you and your main squeeze living out your days together while your children are grown living their own dreams. So it is absolutely vital that you continue to nurture that relationship and make it a priority in your life.

 

MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK.

Look, marriage isn’t always easy, but it is also not hard work. This is a dangerous phrase because it implies that your relationship is a job, rather than a connection with another human being. You don’t punch in and out of your marriage, get holidays off, or have reports due by Monday—why then, do so many people refer to it in terms of an occupation?

Our language matters, so pay attention to the way you speak about your marriage as well as the other relationships in your life (parenting, for example). Just like with all connections we share with other people—be it our parents, our friends, our spouse, etc.—you are bound to run into roadblocks. Nobody’s personality meshes with anothers 100% of the time. You can work hard at communicating and overcoming obstacles in your marriage, but that doesn’t make the marriage itself, hard work.

 

IF YOUR PARTNER REALLY LOVES YOU, THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TELL THEM WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG BECAUSE THEY SHOULD ALREADY KNOW.

Expecting your spouse to be able to read your mind is like going to a foreign country and expecting them to be fluent in your language.

We, women, like to believe that we are all straight up psychic when it comes to our relationships with others. And honestly, there is some merit to that. Women, in general, tend to be more in tune with other people’s emotions and mannerisms, as well as more empathetic. But to expect your spouse, or anyone for that matter, to be able to decipher what your shoulder shrug means is not only unrealistic but also super unhealthy for your relationship.

 

EVERYTHING SHOULD BE 50/50

While it is true that there should be a healthy balance in your relationship, this does not mean that every task should be distributed evenly. You need to be willing to play off of one another’s skills and availability in order to find a groove that works right for you, rather than keeping mental tabs of who takes out the trash the most or does the dishes every night. If your spouse leaves at 5 am every morning and you don’t get up until 8 am, it makes sense for them to be the one to take out the trash bins every week. Likewise, if you stay at home and your partner works, it makes sense for you to contribute more to household chores than they do.

Highlight each other’s strengths and respect one another’s time rather than focusing on the areas your partner lacks in. My husband hates doing the dishes and I hate sweeping, so he rarely touches a dish and I rarely touch a broom. Things are not always going to come out 50/50, but you shouldn’t be keeping score anyway.

 

CHILDREN WILL BRING YOU CLOSER TOGETHER.

It’s a sweet picture: You and your spouse become parents to a perfect little angel baby and you spend your evenings giving that little ball of squish calming lavender baths. Then the three of you cuddle up in bed and read bedtime stories until sweet squishy gently melts away to dreamland. Then you look into your partner’s eyes and think, “how perfect our life is!”

Don’t get me wrong, moments like these do happen, but they are mixed in with a mess of other moments that are guaranteed to rock your foundation if it isn’t solid. Exhaustion, late night feedings, excessive tears, limited mobility, diaper changes, I-don’t-know-what-the-heck-I’m-doing-moments, and everything in between often make for two adults who barely spend any one-on-one time together anymore.

Children will challenge you in incredible ways, but they will also challenge your marriage as you learn to navigate life as a wife and a mother.

 

 

YOUR HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN EACH OTHER.

 “You make me feel like I’m talking to myself!

“You made me really upset when you said that.”

“I’d be happier if you would just…”

Too often we believe that our happiness is deeply rooted in other people’s words and actions. But in truth, you and only you are responsible for your happiness. Expecting your spouse to control your emotional wellbeing would be like asking them to swallow and digest your food for you.

If you place your happiness in someone else’s hands, you will be disappointed every single time. Not because they don’t love and care about you, but because they are a separate human being from you and they already have a full-time job being in charge of someone else’s happiness—their own.

 

LOVE CAN CHANGE A PERSON.

People do change. I myself have completely transformed from the timid woman I once was. But here is the kicker, and it’s a big one: People do not change unless they want to. At least not long term.

It’s easy to convince someone for a week or two to improve their habits to meet your needs. And because they love you, often times they will make the attempt. But at the end of the day, unless they see it as a problem themselves, nothing will change and you will both end up in a vicious cycle where both parties feel like they aren’t worthy. You feel like your spouse should love you enough to change, and your spouse feels like you should love them enough to accept them the way they are.

 

ROMANCE SHOULD COME NATURALLY.

If I had a dollar for every relationship that was ruined by the expectation that romance should come naturally, I would be one rich bitch. I get it, I do. John Cusack’s boombox serenade makes romance seem effortless. But if you’ve ever carried a boombox, you know that those things are not light, effortless, or easily portable. Homeboy put some serious thought and planning into that ish and that’s because romance isn’t always as simple as pressing an on/off switch.

We all speak different love languages, which means that what might be romantic to you, may not be at all to your spouse. So make sure you get clear on what romance is first, and then remember to have grace for your partner (and for yourself), because life isn’t a movie and romance isn’t natural for everyone, all of the time.

 

YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO PLEASE EACH OTHER AND DON’T NEED TO HAVE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT SEX.  

This is sort of a hidden belief that nobody really talks about, but it’s a huge one that causes so many underlying issues in relationships. Why are we so afraid to talk about sex with our spouses?

America still treats sex like a taboo (despite it being one of the most natural parts of our existence) and because of this, so many couples feel embarrassed or ashamed talking to their partner about their needs and desires in the bedroom. But when you don’t communicate about sex, how is your partner supposed to know how to please you? The answer is simple: They can’t.

Our bodies are all unique, which means there isn’t a “one size fits all” for sexual pleasure. That is why it is vital to get a conversation going with your spouse about what works and what doesn’t in order to experience the level of closeness and connection that your marriage was designed for.

 

LOVE IS ENOUGH.

The Beatles paint a pretty picture of love being all that we need, but unfortunately, they’re wrong. While many of the things we need all route back to love, love itself is not the only basis for a solid marriage. Many people stay in damaging relationships because they believe that love is more important than mutual respect, communication, and desire. Obviously, love is a crucial piece to the puzzle, but it is not the only piece. The trick with love is that it is often left up to interpretation.

If you grow up in a home where your example of love is your father yelling at your mother, apologizing, and kissing her on the head, you will likely grow to see love as a tempered and apologetic. If you grow up with a single parent, love may look like devoting yourself to providing for your family. If your parents are super mushy, love will look like a sappy chick flick to you.

Because we all view love differently based on our environments, love cannot be the final say in a relationship’s well being. Because love by itself, while powerful, is not perceived the same universally. Love must be coupled with things like mutual respect and communication in order to work through those barriers and find a common ground of what love means as a couple, rather than two individuals from different love backgrounds.

 

FIGHTING IS HEALTHY AND NORMAL.

Don’t freak out! I’m not here to tell you that you’re headed for divorce if you fight. We absolutely, 100% all have fights. Hell, we fight with everyone in our lives at some point, so why would our spouses be any different? However, consistent fighting is not normal or healthy. Does that mean you’re headed to Judge Judy to fight over who gets custody of the giant flat screen in the living room? Not quite.

Occasional fighting is not a cause for concern because, hi, we all get on each other’s nerves now and then. But if you find yourself repeating the same fights over and over again, this is likely due to issues that have not been fully dealt with between the two of you, that need attention. Sometimes this can be resolved by having a heart to heart and laying everything out on the table with some constructive, open communication. And if that doesn’t work and you find yourself in the cycle again, don’t be afraid to seek outside help.

One of the best things a couple can do for their marriage is get counseling when there is an underlying issue that keeps seeping its way back in the form of anger and frustration. Talking with an unbiased third party is a strong, productive way to give your marriage the opportunity to thrive that it so deeply deserves.

 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOES NOT EXIST.

I know I talked trash about love movies in this article, but there is some merit to their overall message. Happily ever after may not look like Cinderella suddenly being able to buy every pair of shoes in the kingdom because she’s #rich and in love with the wealthiest, dreamiest dude in the land—but it can look like a modern day fairytale where you spend the greater portion of your days feeling hashtag blessed and truly enjoying your marriage.

I’ve spent nearly a decade with my husband and I can honestly say that I still feel like I can’t get enough of him. We have been through absolute heartbreak together but I truly feel like the joy we have experienced outweighs the sorrow, tenfold.

Happily ever after does exist, you just have to believe that you are worthy of it. (Which, you totally are).

Does your love life need a recharge?

If you’re looking to totally transform your love life and find yourself in the process, this book is for you! Several women have already begun their adventures to a fuller marriage. I double dog dare ya to join us 😉

Big Changes Are Coming

Big Changes Are Coming

Big changes are coming, and I’m bursting at the seams with excitement!

A month ago I crept back into this space after a hiatus, letting you know I was ditching the niche and officially writing about whatever I wanted when I wanted.

And then I went silent again.

As I got further and further into the writing process of my eBook, I realized that I was blossoming and it was time to take this space with me as I grew.

For five years I’ve blogged under the title, “Lend Me Your Kite”.

I wish I could say it had some meaningful background, but in truth, it was something I came up with on a whim one day while writing, and it stuck.

But my journey no longer revolves around the once timid women searching for her voice. I have since come into myself and discovered what I am, who I am, and where I belong.

I no longer need to hide behind a “screen name”, a false title, or a character so-to-speak. Instead, I am fully embracing the “I am woman hear me roar” mantra and I’m ready to bring you the fullest, best version of everything I’ve got.

So with that said, we’ve got some pretty big changes happening around here!

First, you may have noticed that I’ve officially archived the name “Lend Me Your Kite” and opted for a more straight forward title.

Secondly, the entire site is in makeover mode. I can’t wait for you to all see the finished product within the next month or so.

But in the mean time, take heart—I’ll still be here bringing you content and hopefully getting you jazzed up for my eBook release in September.

I am forever grateful to this community for following me on my journey the last five years and I look forward to diving into even more exciting things with all of you.

 

Come Hang With Us At The 2016 Cake Expo (Local Giveaway!)

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loveeeee cake. In fact, it’s a bit of a running joke in my family because whenever it’s someone’s birthday I’m pretty much guaranteed to be sitting next to the cake with a fork in hand, just shoveling away at it as opposed to putting it on a plate like a civilized person. So when I got invited to attend the 2016 Cake Expo in San Diego this year I was like, “YEP! Sign me up!”. Then I found out it was actually on my birthday weekend and I knew it was fate. A weekend of cake for the birthday girl? SOLD. 

And what’s cooler— they gave me extra tickets for you!

So hey— Want to come hang out with me at the 2016 Cake Expo at the Del Mar Fairgrounds for my birthday? Because I totally want to hang out with YOU, which is why I am giving away 2 ALL ACCESS PASSES to ONE lucky winner! 

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You can have your cake and eat it too when you celebrate your favorite confection at the CAKE: The Sweets & Party Expo.

Celebrity guests will be in abundance to enjoy the festivities along with you. Participate in cake decorating (and eating!) contests, indulge your sweet tooth, and hone your skills at demos and make-and-take stations.

Perfect for foodies, hobbyists, or people who just love sweets, parties,and crafty creations. this event will grant you access to the newest baking supplies, party-planning ideas, deliciously sweet recipes, samples, creative gift idea’s and swag to take home, too.

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Cupcake challenge: ACCEPTED.

Spoiler Alert: Mine will most definitely be worse than yours.

Seriously, it’s going to be a blast and watching this video from last year’s Expo has me so excited to attend this year!

Talk about hitting the birthday cake mother load. And the cherry on top will be getting to meet one of you!

Rules to Enter:

– Must be available to visit the Del Mar Fairgrounds (San Diego, CA) on October 29th or 30th. (Transportation is not provided, so you must have your own way there).

– Must be 18 or older to enter.

– Must love cake.

WIN 2 ALL ACCESS PASSES TO THE 2016 CAKE EXPO

And even if you don’t win, you can still come hang out with me at the Expo. I’ve even got a discount code for you guys, for HALF OFF admission.

You can choose from one of the following offers: Half OFF WITH CODE: BlogFan

• $5 ($10 value) for one child (ages 6 to 12) admission ticket with trick or treating and Halloween celebration

• $29.50 ($59 value) for one single-day adult general admission pass with samples, VIP Branded goodie bag, and access to all demos and stages

• $39.50 ($79 value) for one two-day adult general admission pass with samples, VIP Branded goodie bag, and access to all demos and stages

• $74.50 ($149 value) for one all-inclusive PERK pass, including all general admission benefits on both Expo days, plus access to the VIP lounge with exclusive samples and a autographed digital copy of the Holiday Hostess www.holidayhostess.com party-planning and cookbook, Cupcake decorating with celebrity personality Baking With Melissa

Get Tickets Now! https://cakeexpo16.eventbrite.com use code BlogFan for half off all ticket options.

NoteKeep an eye on the website www.cake-expo.com — Sweetlebrity guests will be announced periodically as the event approaches, and they’ll participate in meet-and-greets, demos, book signings, and more!

Activities: 2 stages with demos every hour, Trick or Treating Sunday night for kids in costume, Cupcake Decorating, Hands On Stations, Samples from sweet vendors, 100 + unique vendors.

Winner will be announced on Sunday. Good luck!

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Twenty-Wine Birthday Party

Derek's Twenty-Wine Party

Remember when I said I wasn’t going to let the last birthday of my husband’s twenties just sneak on by? Well, I was serious.

It’s been a while since we’ve hosted a party at our house (read: we have two small children) and we recently redid our deck in the backyard (blog post coming, probably never)— so I decided to throw a little shindig.

I have a disease where I can’t do anything without a theme, so this one was Derek’s “Twenty-Wine” — I cleverly catchphrased the event saying, “watch him whine, wine, and turn 29.” I know guys, I know. Hire me now.

For our wine tasting party, I thought it would be really fun for everyone to have their own custom wine glass to drink from. So I went and got some from the dollar store and hopped on Pinterest for a way to customize. I found this tutorial for chalkboard paint bottoms and it looked easy, so I bought the paint and got to work.

Chalkboard wine glasses

Um, hi— not easy and also, way more time consuming than I anticipated. You would think that dipping something into paint isn’t rocket science, but after my attempts I’m convinced that it actually is, and I’m pretty sure the astronauts have to chalkboard paint their helmets as part of their training.

Luckily after some serious trial and error and giving myself the ugly class, I managed to get most of them to look halfway decent. Once painted, all I had to do was use the permanent chalkboard pen I already had and write the names on each one. The total project cost $15 and only two days of swearing at the glasses in frustration. I’m glad I did them though, they really added to the party and it came in handy always being able to tell who’s drink was whos.

Derek's Twenty-Wine

Next, I printed out some photos of Derek’s awesome shoot with Brenda and used dollar store frames. I also found this fantastic printable on Etsy, and snagged it because it was too perfect.

Crown Prints

Derek and I had been collecting wine bottles for days weeks, and I used them as decorations on the table as well. Then I filled the entire thing up with deliciousness.

We had salami, proccuitto, grapes, berries, crackers.

Various cheeses spread across our gorgeous custom cutting board from Timber + Main. Crostinis in dollar store plastic cups. A crazy haired toddler.

Timber + Main cutting board

 

Derek's Twenty-Wine Party

We also crockpotted some meatballs for a little extra substance.

I missed about 80% of the party because my mom ended up getting really sick the day of, causing my parents to have to cancel babysitting. So I spent most of the evening with them, since B kept waking up every 45 minutes or so wanting to nurse. But that was okay, because everyone had a great time— especially the birthday boy.

Derek's Twenty-Wine

I was really pleased with how the party turned out and I can’t wait until I have an excuse to throw another one!

What about you guys? Do you like throwing parties or do you prefer to just attend them? Tell me below in the comments!

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This Is How Everyone Should Celebrate Their Birthdays

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I guess you could say the end of an era is upon us in this household.

Derek and I have spent the majority of our 20’s together, and in 2017 we will be saying goodbye to them forever.

We always joke about how old we are. Of course, we know that literally speaking, we are still very young. But we are old souls— our days spent doing housework and our evenings spent sipping wine in our jacuzzi, listening to the neighbors and their parties. We reminisc about those parties— the ones we used to throw, what seems like, a lifetime ago. We laugh about our bar hopping nights, and how they began at the same time we now end our evenings. It’s fun to look back on these years together— to see the changes we have gone through as individuals, as well as a couple.

I like to make a big fuss over birthdays, and I wasn’t going to let the last birthday celebration of my husband’s 20s go under the radar, so I decided I wanted to immortalize it in the only way I knew— through photos. Of course, convincing Derek of such was a little harder, but he is the best sport, the funniest guy I know, and frankly, he’s just the shit— so he agreed.

So, sorry-not-sorry for the photo overload I’m about to dump your way. I hit up Brenda of Brenda Munoz Photography and we all agreed on the perfect theme: Adult Cake Smash.

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I just, I can’t even, you guys.

I was almost in tears during this shoot because I was laughing so hard.

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Come on. Pretty sure I have the most awesome husband of all time.

Sweet photobomb from our dog while Derek was attacking the mini piñata too.

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Life is too short to take yourself seriously, am I right?

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Derek:

You are my favorite person on the planet. Every day with you feels like the first day in a new world— fresh, and exciting, and mysterious, and beautiful, and I still get butterflies when you walk into a room. I’m so glad you were born and well, you’re tops.

I love you, far longer.

Happy Birthday, stud.

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Straight Outta Jury Duty

straight outta jury duty

Dear Mr. Franklin: You are hereby notified to report for Jury Duty February 29th. Please call our toll free telephone number between the hours of 6pm and midnight to verify if you are needed at the Compton courthouse for service. 

“Yeah ok let me stop life and get on that.”

After browsing at that jury duty summons for well over a month the week had finally hit me

So I did as any outstanding member of society would do and I followed their requests…

For the most part.

The instructions said to call every night to see if I would be required to physically be at the Compton courthouse the following day.

I may or may not have missed a night or two of calling in.

But sure enough the last remaining night I had to call I heard a noise I had not heard yet from a Jury hotline.

“You are required to report at the Compton courthouse at SEVEN FORTY FIVE A.M. Friday March 4th

I must admit I have always been intrigued by our justice system and have always been slightly envious of friends or family who got to listen in on some real life people’s drama.

More than likely this would be a car accident or minor theft of some sort.

“Hey I get to skip out of work for a day or two!!!”

But I had no idea what that automated sentence would really unveil.

I showed up to the Compton courthouse and thought:

“Wow this isn’t that bad!”

It was easy to get to, parking was free and easy, and more than likely I will just get dismissed anyway.

Nope.

The first day there I got called to the 11th floor for judge and attorney review. During this phase of the selection process, the judge immediately notified us of the severity of this trial and the length it may require our services.

“Just so you all know this is a Murder trial. There will be two separate full Jurys as this case is complicated and will require information from many angles. Your services will be required for as little as two weeks and may go until April if everything goes as expected”.

Most of you are thinking right now:

“Once I heard that I could have got out of Jury duty no problem, everyone does it”.

Well I hate to break it to you, but you’re wrong. Unless you are okay with making everyone in Compton believe you’re a cop hating racist or believe justice doesn’t exist, then buckle up.

The next two days of selecting the Jury I heard number after number called.

Interview after interview.

The same questions over and over and over.

Even had a young lady (I say lady loosely) scream,

“Not Guilty…all you motha F@$%ers are snitches!”

In the halls while we awaited our destiny.

Then my badge was called and it was now my turn to answer questions as honest as possible, but somehow find a way to not seem like an ideal candidate.

“Welcome to the club Juror number 9.”

For the next 34 days, I would sit and listen to testimony after testimony.

From cell phone records and how the towers pinpoint our exact locations, to how to throw the most fashionable gang signs.

I too now know how to cover any and all tracks of a drive by shooting.

Jk…but seriously, don’t make a phone call or text right before a crime or directly after— You will be caught.

Also, side note:

Don’t deny being in a gang and then cover your “cryptic” facebook with prominent gang phrases or signs.

Im sure many of you reading just want the nitty gritty, so let me just lay it out there.

This case was a gang related crime. It was a retaliation drive by shooting where a sister of a gang member was shot and killed in her home while her mother, brother, and her two children watched her die.

The brother, who no doubt was a gang member, and his two friends were the targets. They escaped unscathed, but now those two children will no doubt grow with a void that may sadly be filled by this repetitive cycle of violence.

There were three young men in this trial. A driver, the driver’s younger brother who is believed to of fired the bulk of the shots, and then the defendant my jury was in charge of determining a fate for, who was proven to shoot multiple shots.

We will never know whose bullet killed that young mother, but we know all three of these men meant to kill and or harm whoever looked “iffy”.

I look at gang violence in an entirely different light.

The value of life is diminished the moment one embraces the lifestyle. Young men and women are simply a part of a colony doing their jobs within the organization.

When one falls, three more step in to exact revenge and gain control of the situation

The cycle never ends because sadly it’s not supposed to in their minds.

It’s a game of power and a game of dominance.

And after a while, the game becomes life.

Not once did I hear any remorse. Not once did any of the people who were close to the situation seem to be bothered or hurt by what truly transpired…

A woman died and left children on this planet to fend for themselves and after phone call and phone call of her being referred to as “that bitch that got hit”, it dawned on me that one of the nation’s most touchy subjects was right in front of my eyes.

Black lives matter. Brown Lives matter. White lives matter.

Lives matter.

These gang members may not see it as a race war, but it is.

Rather than admit to mistakes and try to heal they decide to open larger wounds for the rest of the community.

These guys knew who killed their sister/daughter.

But when they testified they were not just scared to face retaliation for “snitching”.

They knew if the three men on the stands went to prison, they would have the upper hand on the streets and would avoid the label as a snitch.

They wanted revenge for themselves, not for her.

As my trial came to a close 11 of 12 believed this 21 year old young adult was equally guilty as the other two involved.

But it took just one.

One person who couldn’t live with the decision of sending him to prison for 25+ years, not knowing if he in fact killer her.

Aiding and Abiding states that if one was present and did not stop the crime/prevent the crime, notify authorities, and/or made any action to contribute (shots fired) then he/she is just as guilty as the person who committed said act.

He was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

He planned on being there.

He was proud of what took place

He opened fire at a home with children inside

Whether or not He killed her is irrelevant in the eyes of the law

It’s irrelevant to the two children without a mother

It’s irrelevant to the justice Candice deserves.

Candice deserves at the very least that, because her life matters too.

So while our Jury resulted in a mistrial, he was found guilty on two counts.

And I have hope/faith the DA will pursue another trial as the other two involved including the DRIVER who did not fire a single round was found guilty on all accounts.

I can honestly say through this process of being a jury I came to a few conclusions.

  1. Defense lawyers hired by the state are not there to prove man/woman’s innocence. They are there to find a loop hole with their mediocre arguments of hypotheticals. I would of fired all three of them had I been on the stand. It may not be all of them, but my personal opinion is the three I witnessed for 34 days were beyond incompetent.
  2. There are issues with our justice system, but that doesn’t mean it’s broken/cannot work/does not work. Maybe I had a judge who in my opinion was a remarkable person. He showed respect and care for every person in the court room. Especially the defendants. If I were to be in their shoes I would hope to have such a person in charge of the court.
  3. Last but not least being a juror is not a burden. It is not to be taken lightly. It is a very important process and each and every one of us deserves to have our peers be the final say so. I urge you to not “try” and get out of it. While it can be an inconvenience to your current situation just remember the inconvenience of whomever justice is in need to save/help. That person deserves your help and your service to the system.

I now, more than ever, understand one of our nations most talked about issue. Black lives matter is not about just black people fighting cops.

It’s not about just statistics of mortality rates.

It’s about so much more than Fox 11 news can provide in an hour segment.

I believe it starts within each and every one of our communities. It requires a change of core beliefs within each city border. The devaluation of life needs to end. It requires us all to value each other’s lives as if they were your own. Law enforcement gets the brunt of it because we expect more from our hired protectors and that’s fair, but maybe it’s time we expect more from ourselves and our neighbors.

It’s time for members of each community to rally around the death of their loved ones and prove they are not afraid to fight back.

Figuratively and literally.

Take the Stand.

It’s not easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever truly is.

Until people unite against the crime on their own doorsteps people like Candice will truly never have justice.